Discipline

Positive Foundations

Building a positive foundation with your child starts with understanding age-appropriate and effective discipline. This section offers guidance on nurturing respectful, trusting relationships through discipline strategies that support healthy development.

Child high fiving his teacher

1:1 Time With Your Child

Spending regular time with your child builds a strong foundation for connection—and that connection can make a big difference when it comes to behavior and discipline. Life gets busy, and one-on-one time isn’t always easy to find. But even short periods, like 3, 5, or 10 minutes a day, can help your child feel seen and supported. These moments add up and can lead to improvements in behavior overall. It can also make it easier for them to respond to discipline in a positive way.

During 1:1 time, try to hold back from teaching or correcting—let your child take the lead. If a younger child misbehaves, calmly pause the interaction and say something like, “We can keep playing once you use your gentle hands.”

Select each image below to reveal a possibility for focused time with your child.

Marking a calendar

Schedule/set aside a specific times each week to spend with each child, if possible (even if it is just for a couple minutes).

Caregiver and child reading

Try to ensure each child gets a turn with each caregiver (if there is more than one caregiver involved).

Caregiver and child cooking

Work 1:1 time into daily routines like preparing meals with a different child a few days per week.

Caregiver and child walking

Attempt to find interests that might be a part of shared time together.

Caregiver and child talking

Time together can be a platform for regular communication where more difficult subjects can be discussed when appropriate.

Caregiver and child playing

Find activities that are developmentally appropriate for the child (what is appropriate for a toddler will not be the same as for a teen).

Possible Focused Time With Your Child

  • Schedule/set aside a specific times each week to spend with each child, if possible (even if it is just for a couple minutes).
  • Try to ensure each child gets a turn with each caregiver (if there is more than one caregiver involved).
  • Work 1:1 time into daily routines like preparing meals with a different child a few days per week.
  • Attempt to find interests that might be a part of shared time together.
  • Time together can be a platform for regular communication where more difficult subjects can be discussed when appropriate.
  • Find activities that are developmentally appropriate for the child (what is appropriate for a toddler will not be the same as for a teen).

What Is Positive Attention?

Positive attention can be a smile, praise, or doing something fun together. No matter the form, the goal is the same—to show you’re present and to express care or encouragement. Positive attention within a family deepens connections, encourages collaboration, and creates lasting memories. Spending positive time together is like putting money in the bank. That’s why it’s important to refrain from correcting during any positive time as it’s building the foundation for your relationship with your children.

Select the arrows below to review six tips to create positive activities.

How to Hold a Family Meeting

Family meetings are a great way to strengthen bonds, set goals, and communicate openly as a family. By creating a positive, structured space, everyone can share, listen, and contribute to building an even stronger family connection.

Steps to Start Family Meetings:

  1. Get everyone’s commitment to participate.
  2. Set a time and place free of distractions.
  3. Establish ground rules, such as listening, being respectful, and taking turns.
  4. Model good behavior by praising, listening actively, and asking open-ended questions.
  5. Encourage taking turns to talk with tools like a “talking object” or a “go-around” method.
  6. Schedule the next meeting and end with something fun, like a game or story.

Here are some ideas for family meeting activities:

  • Serve a family snack
  • Assign different roles (meeting leader, snack manager, etc.)
  • Encourage each family member to say thank you for something or recognize an important accomplishment
  • Discuss upcoming calendar/schedule
  • Plan fun family outings

You can hold a family meeting with less structure if the meeting includes one parent or caregiver and a child. You can modify these steps and come up with new ideas to fit whatever type of meeting works the best for what your family unit looks like.

Why Is Positive Attention Important?

Meeting children’s needs for attention in positive ways fosters their emotional well-being, encourages healthy behavior, and strengthens parent-child bonds.

When Needs for Positive Attention are Met. Children feel secure and valued. Children learn that others can be trusted. Giving children positive attention more often than you correct them reinforces good behavior and creates a positive relationship. When Needs for Positive Attention are Not Met. When kids can’t get positive attention, they often try to get any attention they can, even if it’s negative. Children might act aggressively, seem anxious, or be withdrawn if they feel a need for positive attention. However, every child acts this way sometimes, even the most secure kids. Giving kids positive attention for good behavior helps build a strong relationship and is effective for guiding behavior.

When Needs for Positive Attention are Met

  • Children feel secure and valued.
  • Children learn that others can be trusted.
  • Giving children positive attention more often than you correct them reinforces good behavior and creates a positive relationship.

When Needs for Positive Attention are Not Met

  • When kids can’t get positive attention, they often try to get any attention they can, even if it’s negative.
  • Children might act aggressively, seem anxious, or be withdrawn if they feel a need for positive attention. However, every child acts this way sometimes, even the most secure kids.

Giving kids positive attention for good behavior helps build a strong relationship and is effective for guiding behavior.

How Can You Give Positive Attention?

Providing positive attention to your child helps reinforce desired behaviors and encourages their growth.

Watch the video below to review effective strategies for recognizing and praising positive actions.

Age-Appropriate Choices

Giving children age-appropriate choices means offering options that match their developmental stage and abilities. This approach can reduce power struggles and give children a sense of control and responsibility. It can help them learn to make decisions and let them know they can make good choices.

It can be hard to know what this looks like in practice. Here are a few examples:

  • Offer your toddler a choice of snacks, like carrot sticks or apple slices
  • Let your school-aged child choose their clothes, as long as they fit the weather
  • Allow your teen to help decide their curfew, if they’ve been showing responsibility

You can avoid a battle of wills by giving “closed-choice” options. This means you are limiting the choice options to ones you approve, while still giving your child some control.

For example, instead of just telling your child to put their shoes on, you could say, “Do you want to put your shoes on right now by yourself, or do you want Daddy to do it for you?” The strategy of letting your child have choices lets them know their opinion matters and that you are listening!

Wrap-Up

It might seem a little strange to include “positive foundations” in the discipline section, but the truth is, the strength of your relationship plays a big role when things get tough. Think about a boss or teacher you respected who had to give you some hard feedback. It’s often easier to handle those conversations with someone who truly cares about you and your well-being. The same goes for your child. Having a strong, positive relationship can make discipline feel a lot smoother.

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