RED FLAGS FOR CONCERN
As parents, being able to spot “red flags” in your child’s behavior or emotions is an important way to support their well-being at every age. A red flag is a warning sign—something that stands out as unusual or concerning, and may signal that your child is struggling or needs extra help.
Red flags can look different depending on your child’s age. For example, a toddler might suddenly become much more clingy or aggressive, while a teenager might show big changes in mood, withdraw from friends, or start taking more risks. These signs don’t always mean something is seriously wrong, but they are important cues that your child may need some extra attention or support.
In this section, we’ll explore what red flags can look like for different ages and how you can respond if you notice them.
Red Flags
As a parent or caregiver, it’s natural to worry about your child’s well-being, especially if they show unusual behaviors or signs of distress. Recognizing early emotional and behavioral warning signs—such as persistent sadness, sudden fear, or severe mood swings—can be crucial in getting them the support they need. Consult with a mental health professional if you notice these red flags or if your child is coping with significant life changes like bullying, loss, or a major transition.
Similarly, be aware of cognitive milestones. Delays in cognitive development can be a red flag for underlying concerns. Watch for signs such as a lack of interest in playtime, disinterest in the environment, slow response times, or a lack of curiosity. Additionally, cognitive delays may be linked to delays in other developmental areas, such as movement, speech, and language.
Select each age group below to review some specific red flags.
The following behaviors may indicate difficulties for babies:
- By three months, doesn’t smile at familiar people or the sound of a parent’s voice
- By nine months, doesn’t respond to their own name or recognize familiar people
- Doesn’t babble or try to imitate sounds
- By one year, hasn’t formed an attachment to their primary caregiver
- Displays excessive irritability, has difficulty calming down, or shows unusual self-soothing behaviors
- Demonstrates a limited range of the emotions appropriate for their age (laughing, clapping, squealing, eye contact)
- Hasn’t reached appropriate developmental milestones, such as crawling or saying single words, by expected ages
The following behaviors may indicate difficulties for toddlers:
- A change in clinginess, crying or whining
- Trouble calming down or being comforted
- An increase in aggressive behavior, such as hurting toys, pets, other children or themselves
- Noticeable changes in eating or sleeping patterns
- Loss of skills that had been mastered, such as talking or toilet training
- Trouble with age-appropriate milestones, such as saying two words together, eating with a spoon or walking up a few stairs
The following behaviors may indicate difficulties for preschoolers:
- Persistent inability to engage in social play, such as consistently playing alone or struggling to share or take turns
- A change in your child’s emotional reactions, such as excessive anger or temper tantrums lasting more than 5-10 minutes
- Difficulty with transitions: your child becomes extremely upset when transitioning between activities, and may display excessive crying or tantrums
- Unusual emotional responses, such as laughing or smiling at inappropriate times (such as when a friend is hurt)
The following behaviors may indicate difficulties for school-aged children:
- Strong feelings of anger and sadness that last for a considerable period of time
- Difficulties with learning
- Difficulties getting along with other kids—or not having any friends and being withdrawn
- Any major change in personality, moods, or routines
- Increased level of clinginess, crying, or whining
- More difficulty calming down and being comforted by you
- High levels of aggression (hurting toys, pets, other children, themselves)
- Considerable changes in eating or sleeping patterns
- Loss of skills that had previously been mastered
The following behaviors may indicate difficulties for teenagers:
- High levels of aggression and/or violence toward people, pets, or property
- Any mention of suicide or harming oneself (such as cutting arms or legs)
- Disengagement from the family and refusing to participate in family activities
- Running away (or threats to do so)
- Skipping school
- Considerable drop in grades in school
- Difficulties getting along with peers—or not having any friends and being withdrawn
- Significant changes in friendship groups
- Feelings of great sadness for a long time (more than just a bad day)
- Considerable changes in eating or sleeping patterns
- Significant changes in weight (gains or losses)
- Alcohol and/or drug use
- Sexual acting out
- Legal trouble, such as being arrested or having other issues with the law
- Strange or unusual thoughts, beliefs, feelings or behaviors
Many times, a red flag is something that is out of the ordinary for your child’s “baseline” for their development or behavior. You know your child better than anyone else. Always know you can check in with a doctor or a mental health professional (depending on the issue) to get an idea if there is a more serious concern.
Talking to Your Child about Emotional and Mental Health
Select this video to see how you might approach talking to your child about mental health concerns.
Mental health issues might seem intimidating to deal with. However, if you notice something different or have a concern, you can talk to your child’s doctor. Try to write down a list of what you’ve observed to take to your appointment. Don’t be afraid to ask questions or ask what to expect next.
It is important to recognize your child’s feelings and experiences rather than minimizing or denying them. Avoid suggesting they are “just being difficult” or “overreacting.” Instead, validate their concerns, stay calm and offer steady support. This helps your child feel heard and understood while you guide them safely through challenges.
Trust Your Instincts: Recognizing and Responding to Red Flags
As a parent, you know your child best, so when something feels “off”—whether it’s emotional outbursts, trouble with learning, or changes in behavior—it’s important to trust your instincts. Noticing patterns and shifts early can help you take action, whether that means seeking guidance or simply starting a conversation.
Play the video below to see how two parents begin to respond to red flags.
Hear Veteran Family Perspectives
Play each video below to hear from a Veteran and his spouse about different red flags they have experienced in parenting their children.
Identifying a Support System
Select each tab to receive a suggestion for someone that might be an option for support.
Identifying a Support System
A friend, especially one with similarly aged children, can provide a listening ear.
A relative you know well and trust can provide moral support and other aid.
Someone from a community organization (such as your place of worship, book club, etc.) can listen as well.
The library has access to books about specific issues as well as online resources for research.
Who to Contact for Help
If you are ever concerned for you or your child’s immediate physical or emotional safety, please dial 911 or go to the nearest ER. If you need mental health support, it is available for both Veterans and members of the public through the following channels:
If you are a Veteran in crisis, there are multiple ways you can get help. You can connect to the Veterans Crisis Line to reach caring, qualified responders 24/7, many of whom are Veterans themselves. You can do this through a phone call (dial 988, then press 1), chat online, or text 838255.
Whether or not you are a Veteran, help is also available. You can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by phone (dial 988) or chat online.
There are a wide variety of red flag situations. Below is a list of formal resources that can be a starting place to decide the best supports for your specific situation. Some of these, such as a doctor or mental health professional, can guide you to more specialized resources depending on the issue at hand.
- Pediatrician or child’s doctor
- Nurse line
- Teachers or school counselor
- Mental health professional
- Department of Human Services
- Community/county health department
- WIC (Women, Infants, and Children) offices
There are a wide variety of resources available for all types of situations. Do not be afraid to reach out for help.
Wrap-Up
Parenting isn’t always easy, even on the best days. And when your child is struggling and you’re not sure what to do, it can feel even harder. But you’re not alone—there are people and resources ready to support you, whether you need guidance or just a place to ask questions. Many parents have faced similar challenges, and there’s plenty of experience and advice out there to help.
If you would like a printable fact sheet on getting help and managing emotions, you can find it in the resources section.
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