Veteran Parenting | Communication - Strengthening Communication

Military vs. Homefront Communication Styles

Approaching Difficult Conversations

Another important part of positive parent-child communications is to talk openly about difficult topics. A first step can be recognizing that children have questions. Your child may not directly ask about things that make both of you uncomfortable. Keeping an open line of communication is a good first step to noticing when a discussion might need to happen. It can be hard to know how to start a difficult conversation with your child.

Select the video below to review information on how to handle these conversations.

Planning for Difficult Conversations

Another part of successful communication around difficult conversations is doing some planning before you have them.

Select each icon on the image below to identify considerations when preparing to discuss difficult conversations with your children.

Caregivers sitting on a park bench having a difficult conversation

Place

Choose a place where they are comfortable. Do they enjoy one-on-one time outside the house, like a walk or a visit to the park?

Choose a place that is private. It might be best to talk when other children aren’t around to interrupt, especially if you’re addressing a sensitive topic with just one child.

Time

Choose a time when they feel their best. Are they a morning person? Make sure you’re chatting at a time when you both have the energy for the conversation.

You should take into account what time of day is a good fit for you as well. Try to choose a time when you both will feel prepared to discuss a challenging topic.

Plan for Possible Topics

Identify the topic of the conversation and prepare for how it might unfold. Here are some tips to get you started:

Consider how to approach difficult or upsetting news
Think about whether your child might be worried or scared
Prepare answers for anticipated questions, including what information to share and what’s age-appropriate. Be ready to discuss any relevant factors, such as military service

Even with preparation, the conversation might not go exactly as planned. That’s okay. The key is using skills like active listening and being present for your child. Your attention matters just as much as your words.

Schedule the Discussion

Confirm with your child that they are comfortable with the meeting time and location. If possible, let them know the general topic in advance, so they’re not left wondering what the conversation will be about. For example, saying “we need to talk, let’s schedule it tomorrow at noon” could cause anxiety. Instead, try saying “we need to talk about your schoolwork, let’s schedule it tomorrow at noon.”

Negotiate alternate plans if necessary. If there’s a better time or place, agree on when and where to talk.

Sources of Support

Depending on the situation, you can inform members of your child’s network so they can be ready to give emotional assistance, if needed. It might be helpful to either ask your child if they want additional help, or make them aware you are going to let people know about the situation, so they are not surprised.

You can also gather information on additional resources to provide to your child, if the situation calls for it.

Starting the Conversation

Once you have prepared for the conversation, you can identify strategies to start the conversation.

Select each button below to review different strategies.

Caregiver and child having a conversation

Managing Stress

An important part of communicating difficult information is getting in a good frame of mind to be able to communicate effectively.

Select the video below to see how managing stress can make a difficult conversation go more smoothly.

Tips for Difficult Topics

When you are ready for specific questions from your child about difficult topics, whether about military service, divorce, or other life events, here are some helpful tips:

Acknowledge and respect your child’s curiosity or concern
Find out what they know about the topic

If you are struggling emotionally or having a hard time talking about your experiences:

Ask your child to share their questions or concerns with other supportive adults or older siblings
If there is another parent or caregiver in the picture, talk with them and make a plan about what to say and how much information to share with your child
Be sure to look for any misinformation or misconceptions your child may have, and gently correct them

Wrap-Up

Difficult conversations are just that ... difficult! This does not mean we should avoid communicating about hard topics with our children. How we choose to communicate with our children regarding challenging subjects teaches them about how to handle similar situations in the future. It also models a positive life skill in how to face issues directly and to ask for support and information when needed.

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